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Mauj
मौज
everyone wants mauj. mauj is always by itself (not alone, by itself). it's it own thing. mauj doesn't belong to a group.
like a बवंडर. a whirlwind, vortex of wind, storm, or cyclone.
or a cloud. it's not trying to get anywhere, but it may be moving and changing. it's not with other clouds. but also not alone. it's just there.
mauj also means a wave.
and just a whirlwind or a wave, mauj starts spontaneously and then disappears. and then starts somewhere else again.
mauj likes to play.
trauma visualized
as holes in the ground
you can't walk relaxed you have to be vigilant for you may step on to a hole or some sticky unstable patch
this fear of stepping wrong is the trigger. maybe
or as a memory of past exceptions
where the being threw an exception and didn't know what to do for a bit maybe it was scary. or embarrassing unsettling. causing a scramble
the being keeps looking at present and future through the past and worries about those same exceptions being thrown again
confidence is a feeling of assurance in our psychological being/moat
feeling embodied and relaxed
not having one foot out the door
we all eventually have to shed our facades
death cannot be cancelled. all psychological armors have to fall.
but nobody wants that to happen today.
instead, today is for enjoying and reinforcing our psychological moat.
but sometimes we remember “the truth” and contemplate upon it briefly.
Is 40s a second coming of age?
So far it seems that way to me
Desire-driven actions are queries into the gorilla's machine
gorilla is pattern matching while selecting the action/response. an action is a query into the underlying subconscious machine. expectation to find a hit and release a feeling for satisfaction.
worry comes from lack of knowing
gorilla knows that he doesn't know. he doesn't have confidence on the current path. he's in the fog.
worry is when the mind feels it's not going to get something important. maybe the mind knows in its depths what it really needs, will recognize it when it sees it. it can't name or describe what it is. but it can tell when something is not it.
there's a feeling that drives the gorilla from inside. but he cannot describe what it precisely is and where to get it. so gorilla gets fooled by the city and follows the crowd. and it can then tell that city doesn't know it either. but he can't prove it since he doesn't know what exactly he's looking for. so he worries about not finding something he needs.
don't ignore the mind. give it what it really needs. not what the city says that it needs. fear is in lack of knowing. confidence comes from trust, which comes from understanding.
i'm a gorilla in the city
and if you're reading this, you're probably one too.
i've come from place that i can't describe but i feel that i know that world. it's in my bones. this place is new. not sure how this works or where this leads to. trying to figure it out.
1-800 how's my driving?